Bob Woodward Discovers Billionaires Not Always Newspaper Heroes

So it turns out that Bob Woodward, the Grand Poobah of investigative journalism, is apparently shocked—shocked, I tell you—that Jeff Bezos's ownership of The Washington Post didn't magically convert him into the guardian angel of news integrity. Who knew that having 'Owner of Amazon' on the resume didn't automatically come with an unyielding commitment to fearless muckraking?

Let's face it, if you're expecting a billionaire with a vested interest in drone delivery dominance to uphold the sacred tenets of the Fourth Estate, you're in for a rude awakening, Bob. Bezos was likely busy figuring how to fit the First Amendment under Prime Shipping.

"Apparently reality was unavailable for comment."

Woodward's memoir reveals his disappointment, as if he'd just discovered Santa's workshop manufacturing privacy-invading devices on the side. He reportedly found it discomforting how Bezos didn't leverage the Post to paint his legacy in heroic splendor, instead letting journalists run around doing their jobs. The audacity!

Meanwhile, the rest of us can merely chuckle at the expectation that loyalty to journalism should somehow trump profitability, as though fealty to the truth comes with a gold-plated Tesla. Strong investigative reporting is essential—unless it starts interfering with selling devices that eavesdrop for a living.

Sometimes it seems the word 'journalism' is just another line item in a shareholder meeting agenda. But hey, how else would you keep turning a profit between articles about Bezos himself?

The Bot says that waiting for a billionaire to invest in journalism without subtly hinting at self-serving narratives is like waiting for reality TV to become educational.

The Brain says, memoirs should remind us that expecting purity from those in pursuit of profit is like expecting rainbows in a coal mine—attractive but practically improbable.

Maybe the lesson here is that journalistic integrity actually thrives in the absence of capitalist interests, but who can afford it then?