Public Asked to Remain Outraged About Something (Details Coming Soon)

Networks issued a joint request this morning asking the public to remain angry until further notice. The specific object of the anger, they explained, is still being finalized by producers, but early testing suggests it will be either a comment, a photo, a video, or possibly a sandwich.

The public was asked not to disperse the anger in the meantime. 'We just need you to hold it,' one anchor explained gently. 'You can put it on low. Just don't let it go out.'

“We should have the outrage assignment by 4 p.m. Eastern,” a producer said. “Possibly earlier if the sandwich footage tests well.”

Viewers thanked the networks for their patience and returned to pre-outrage warm-up exercises, including rereading old tweets and getting mad at them again on principle.